Ineffective communication between parents and teachers can be a major
obstacle when trying to solve problems with students, but fortunately it can be
improved. Let's first examine the two major causes of communication
dysfunction.
Teachers judge the
parents of their students all the time. They judge them based on students'
language, hygiene, dress and social skills. Parents judge teachers, too, based
on comments from their children. "What did you learn in school
today?" is usually followed by, "Nothing." Sometimes children
accuse teachers of being unfair, picking on them, being prejudiced or a myriad
of other questionable treatments.
So parents and
teachers judge each other constantly, and the sources of their judgments are
kids, often with a vested interest. Good kids want their parents and teachers
to like each other. Troubled students want the opposite. Many children can, in
their eyes, benefit from animosity between parents and teachers; and they play
one against the other. This is a dysfunctional form of communication.
The second problem
is called "dumping." When ineffective, frustrated or angry teachers
call parents about their child, they tend to "dump" the problem in
the parents' lap. They tell what offense the child committed, and state that
the parent must do something about it. This is no more effective than a parent
calling a teacher about a problem at home and asking the teacher to fix it.
Parents dumping on teachers is also common. They claim the teacher is
responsible for a child's bad grades, bad behavior or bad attitude. They demand
that the teacher must change. Parent dumping is growing, reaching dangerously
high levels with less respect and belief in the professionalism of the teacher.
When parents and teachers blame each other and make unreasonable demands, the
one who suffers the most is the child. Blame creates no winners and lots of
losers.
Parents and
teachers have the same goal, and therein lies the remedy for these problems.
Both want the best for the student. Removing the child from parent/teacher
communication process can alleviate much of the communication dysfunction. I
don't mean that children should be left out totally. There is certainly an
important place for the child to be part of the process. But there is also a
place for teachers and parents to build a relationship of their own. Both need
to talk directly to each other.
